not mensa, but way past dumbsa

I love the Facebook “memories” feature. Mostly my status updates are not so much about status or updates but little records of amusing tableaux. I try to record as many details as I can remember. Details I later forget.

Two years ago, after Eli graduated from college, we made our epic road trip home, and then he only had three weeks to prepare for his departure to the Philippines, for his Peace Corps gig. Evidently on this day we took a break from doctor’s appointments and shopping trips to go to a movie. I have been waiting and waiting for this gem to pop up in my Facebook timeline, because I couldn’t remember the hilarity, only the horror. I made some edits for spelling and clarity:

22 June 2014

Today Eli and I went to see Chef, a light-hearted matinee, at our local cinema. I like supporting small businesses, but this place especially delights me because the previews aren’t terrifying and exploding-y. It was a nice little movie, good music, lots of cooking scenes, a cute kid, happy ending. Just what we needed.

Afterward, as we were unlocking our bikes, a fella approached us asking about our helmets. Evidently some sporting event had just ended—I later learned it was a very exciting World Cup game—and folks were spilling out of a nearby tavern.

This guy was in a spiffy outfit, athletic clothes, very expensive. He wasn’t dressed like a homeless person, seemed steady on his feet, and his words weren’t slurred, so I was confused when he started talking. And kept talking.

Apparently he knows “almost everything except Sanskrit, not Mensa material, but way past Dumbsa.” He explained that it’s been PROVEN BY SCIENCE that after a game that a man is particularly invested in, he has a drop in somethingorother and testosterone, so he was having a serious letdown and was going to go work out then have some oysters and “about ten almonds” and I forget what else. To recover.

The Mensa comment came just before he used the word “assuage” in a sentence, pronouncing it “ah-saghe.”

I still wish I had recorded his whole monologue.

Two hours later it dawned on me. “Eli, I just realized that if you hadn’t been with me, that guy would have tried to pick me up.”

Eli looked at me a long moment and then said, “That JUST dawned on you? I was aware of it the entire time.”